God's Secret Name
A while back I was thinking about adding a horoscope to my web site. Kind of like they do on the onion web site. I wasn't sure how to go about it. How do they come up with the banal crap which comprises most horoscopes? How do you come up with something that's banal crap and funny at the same time? (the way they do at TheOnion.)
About this time while wandering around in Hollywood I noticed this triple x rag dispensed from newspaper vending machines in Hollywood. It's called "L.A. X...Press". Above the fold it has messages like:
"Meet exciting singles through our personal ads"
"Enjoy a gentle massage in your area"
Below the fold it has the horoscope for the current week.
Also around this time I was experimenting with "cutups"--a writing thing where I was folding various texts over so that one sentence was completed by another. To create random writings. I feel kind of weird carrying that sex newspaper around so I rip the front page off and fold it up to get my own custom version of a horoscope--and throw the rest of the paper away. Then I scan down for new sentences that "make sense".
My favorite for this week is made up of the following sentence fragments:
"Once you start to see the bigger picture, you'll stop"
"Use your creative talents to make changes in your domestic life."
So, if you fold the page the way I have been doing you get the following:
"Once you start to see the bigo make changes in your domestic life"
The sentence fragments joining there between the 'g' and 'o' of 'bigo'. I figure
it should be read like so:
"Once you start to see the big o make changes in your domestic life"
This advice is at least as useful as what you get from a regularly published horoscope-as in not very--but at least it's more fun. Until someone sees me carrying that sex newspaper around...
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